it's funny, you know

I have so much work to do, and am leaving a place I've come to really love, etc. etc., but like...

I just feel so happy today :)!

Last night I had dinner with a couple from the US that I met a little while ago (when I went to the jail actually, haha, the guy, Derek got taken too that night), who are SO lovely and just... a joy to be around :). We had a really great time, just drinking some beers in trendy little bars and talking about the world, and funny hippy boys that drive across the country in a buses and steal canoes :P. Natan came up at one point, and like.... it was so helpful and wonderful to hear what they had to say about it. Liza said that I need to worry about me first, and what I need from the whole thing, and just be honest and clear about that. Because just because he's wonderful as a being doesn't mean that he's going to be able to give me what I need- to be supportive and stable and all of the qualities that a sustainable partnership really needs to have. But that also at the same time, the wind is also a very beautiful thing, and that it's okay to trust the feelings that you have for someone....

Overall, very helpful. But here's the really amazing thing:

for the first time, I don't feel worried about whether or not Natan wants to be with me. I'm feeling so... me! Only braver and more independent and stronger than before I came here. I dunno, I really love him, but I am fabulous, and if he doesn't want to be with me then that's fine. I don't need someone that doesn't really see me for who I am :).

Also: I AM LEAVING IN FOUR DAYS, WTF??

I feel ready though, almost. And excited for all that's to come.