HEY!!

Guess what??????

So we all remember my semester in the fall, & my weird/very shitty issuuuuues with getting work done, esp writing. Well, I had to do this mini-independent research project about the prison-system in Cochabamaba with my friend Mira. Because of all our traveling, we only had a day to write what ended up being 17 page paper in Spanish (eek!!). Normally, this would be a horrifying nightmare of a day (like... atrocious), and it was definetly really hard, but Mira helped me stay focused & we did it!!!!!!!! The whole thing, in one day- with no procrastinating, no distractions, no ´´I´ll do this in the morning´´s & then not really doing it.

I know that this probably seems like a small thing to everyone but me :P, but I am so unbelievably proud of myself, and am so thankful to Mira for helping me do work efficiently for like the firs time ever! I feel like I´m finally learning about so many things that I needed to learn about, and I feel SO happy because of that :). Yay for living!

"oats we sow" by gregory & the hawk

"someday i'll toss all your presents

and bury the letters left unsent

cause it's bad to do what's easy

just cause it's easy

and I wanna do what pleases me but i can't

the road, she'd roll the side of the mountain

with nowhere to go

but the heart, we know,

when it's needin it's careenin toward bein' alone

someday i'll find the mind to mend it

and make dry these eyes I've gotten wet

cause it's bad to do what's easy just cause it's easy

I wanna do what pleases me but i can't

the crow, he'd mow half the grass on the kroll

with nowhere to go,

but the heart, we know,

when it's lovin it's leanin toward bein alone

the oats we sow,

they could seed on forever with nowhere to grow

but the heart, we know,

when it's askin it's exact twin it will not be alone."

I would also just like to mention that Sadie & Julie are two of the most lovely women on the planet <3.

My heart is tired from all this strugglin', but still I'm SO glad that I'm here.

Potosí & Sucre!

Potosí, with a great view of the Cerro Rico.

They painted the buildings bright colors to distract from the fact that there was almost no green-ness.

Ready to bajar en las minas!

Cerro Rico.

We got to go down in a mine...

Sarita y yo!

The "Tio"- there's one in every mine, & he protects the miners from disaster & helps them find hearty veins of minerals. I rubbed his cock, apparently it'll bring me a boyfriend :P.

Playing with children @ the organization that works with children from mining families!

More childrens!

A hot springs in a crevis of an old volcano. 

Sucre.

More Sucre.

Mmmmmm.

Part of a door. I liked it :). 

We visited a very beautiful cemetery in Sucre. 

Sarah, Bonnie, Moto, Aaron, Will, & Ismael (one of our academic directors) at the Sucre airport

Los Masis de Bolivia.

Felicidad y flores.

This is a mini-eiffel tower that's in the parque Bolívar in Sucre. Sarah & Moto are @ the top :P.

thoughts & such.... & love <3

So I have a lot of things that I want to express right now, and not a lot of time/energy in which to do it. So I'll be as simultaneously brief & complete as possible. Heh :P.

- to begin.... Potosí was the most profound place I've been to in Bolivia thus far. I can't wait until I'm able to post pictures, you'll be able to see exactly what I mean. As was stated by my history teacher at the very beginning of the program, had there not been Potosí, there would have been no Bolivia. The reason for this is that Potosí was Bolivia's first city (at an altitude of 14,000 feet!), established due to its massive mineral deposits which have been mined for more than 5 centuries & centered around it's most massive mining mountain called "Cerro Rico" (or "the rich mountain"). They say that there has been so much silver (and other minerals) mined from Potosí that you could build a bridge from the city all the way to Spain, and could then build a return passage with the bodies of all those who have died in the mines (more than 8 million people). Mining is such a vastly important part of Bolivia's history and identity as a nation, and it was really profound to get a chance to see it first hand (especially because it's so NOT a part of life here in Cochabamba). We got to go down in the mines, and also to meet with an organization that works with children from mining families (many of whom already work in the mines or will as soon as their families need them to). The who experience was very emotional, but offered such a profound look into part of Bolivia's evolution as a nation. If the chance ever arises and you want to know more about these issues, watch the documentary "The Devil's Miner." It's a wonderful film about Potosí which paints a colorful image of the situation for children miners in this city. 

-next we went to Sucre, which is technically the capital of Bolivia (but really only in name, as it only contains the judicial branch of the government. La Paz has everything really important :P). Sucre was founded by the owners of the mines in Potosí, who couldn't live comfortably at such an intense altitude. As such, the city is STUNNINGLY beautiful- all white, colonial-style buildings, lots of green, and lots of lovely, cultural things to do. However, the city is also very conservative and, generally, racist as a whole- indigenous people were not allowed into the very public main plaza until after 1950, and there are still hotels that won't allow indigenous people to enter. It was very interesting to be in Sucre after visiting Potosí, as it affirmed to me once again that it is SO easy to close our eyes to the structural violence implicit in our lives- to not see or calculate the real (human) costs of what we do and see. In Sucre, we also got to meet with a world-known folkloric band called "Los Masis" that works with marginalized children in Sucre to help preserve their indigenous pride & culture through music, and also visited the museum of indigenous art, where we learned about the history of textile-weaving in indigenous Bolivian culture. All things considered, it was a very informative & wonderful trip :).

- so I'm feeling a little stressed, currently. We only have 3 days in Cochabamba before we leave for a week on our trip to los salares de uyuni, and during that time I have to- 1. figure out my topic for our independent project, which begins VERY shortly after our next trip (and i have no clue, baaaaah!); 2. finish slash really DO my mini-project on children in prisons here with my friend Mira, for which I have a presentation on thursday...; 3. relax & try not to feel overwhelmed with life; 4. get caught up on reading & writing in my work journal; 5. read & meet up w/ Mira for our field research class; 6. try & spend some quality time w/ the fam. It's basically a lot, & I'm a bit overwhelmed, bah!

- I'm also just feeling a little off-kilter @ the moment. I think I finally realized that the only real way that I can love Natan right now is by really letting him be free. This is extremely hard, as I still love and miss him every day, but..... really loving him means letting go, at least for now. Ooooouch.

- for better or for worse, when I'm happy when I'm sad, when I'm stressed or when I'm totally @ peace, whatever the situation- this trip is affecting me in really important & deep ways. I'm still so grateful, & I still love you all very much :).

"village-stay" fotografías, finalmente!

Hi! So I couldn't take that many pics while in the campo because my battery died really early on, but here are a few :). I also just got back a few hours ago from my trip to Potosí & Sucre, so more on that soon. Love!

Subtext- BAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! HIKE OF DEATH!!!!!

This was one of the beautiful views during my hike of death. It was extraordinarily beautiful... slash like 10 miles up a mountain :P.

My room.

My host mom, Delia, preparing cheese in the kitchen. 

Me, sunburnt-like, wearing the hat my host sister lent me :).

cool interesting things I get to do :)

Tomorrow, Mira & I are going to visit an organization that works with children that live in the prisons with their families. This is one of Bolivia's most unique traits- here, when someone goes to jail their family has the option of coming too. It's crazy, and we get to get meet some of the children & hopefully go into the jails 4 a project that we're doing. SO cool!

I also went to the dentist today, & realized that 1. Bolivian anesthesia is ALOT weaker than American anesthesia, and 2. you CAN spend over an hour on one tooth if the cavity is knarly enough. And also that 3. (as i re-learn everyday) I really still don't speak Spanish. Daaang. 

However, I do sort of speak Spanish, which is much better than before I came, and I also get to look @ the Andes every day as the backdrop of all that I do, spend a lot of time playing in one of the coolest cities in the world, and experience the "eternal spring" of Cochabamba every day. So I have very little to complain about, really :). 

I still kind of detest boys, but I'm working on doing it in a more constructive way at least, haha. 

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees 

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over again announcing your place

in the family of things.

breakable

"Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

Just a cage of rib bones and various parts.

So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,

And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

And we are so fragile,

And our cracking bones make noise,

And we are just,

Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

You fasten my seatbelt because it's the law.

In your two ton death trap, I finally saw.

A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret.

Then you drove me to places I'll never forget.

And we are so fragile,

And our cracking bones make noise,

And we are just,

Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys."

I feel very breakable today, and like I'm so, so tired of all of this madness with boys.

I'm done with it, because all that ever really results is the amassing of more hurt in my heart.

all is very well, however

I think that I may be returning to my man-hating phase. Except maybe with a little less actual hatred and a little more just.... giving up on men. 

It blows my mind that people can be so lovely in normal encounters but such shits when it comes to anything in the more-than-friends realm. 

But I'm not going to worry about it, becaaaause....

Guess what?

I'm starting to feel really at home here in Bolivia, and with myself. And really happy, actually! Life here is beginning to really feel like my life, & what a fabulous life it is.

Yesterday we had a really cool talk about coca production in Bolivia (very interesting, coca is such a central part of Andean culture). And it was also our last day of Spanish classes (what what??). This actually means less than it sounds like, because we're going to continue having other classes/lectures/readings/conversations in Spanish, just not formal Spanish class. But it was still a big moment & made me realize even more: I've kind of been here for a long time! It's crazy. 

I also just finished reading Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, which is now one of my new favorite books. It also happens to have a bunch of amaaaazing-sounding really Southern recipes, which I am going to cook all of when I'm back in the States. Yay! You should all come over and eat :).

I'm feeling pretty good in general these days- super into my life here, but also so excited for life when I get back home. I know that one's state of mind changes a lot while abroad, but right now, things are pretty stellar :).

Minus the boy. Boys are sucky, but who cares, right? As my host-mom said, "hay mejores." So yeah :).

hey guess what again?

                                            I really, really love my host family :). 

village stay, oh also hey guess what??-

I've been in Bolivia 4 what feels like a really long time (!!). It's almost the middle of March already. Who knew, right??? But I think I'm really beginning to adjust to my life here, which is a really good feeling :).

I spent last week doing a "rural village stay," which meant traveling to a pueblito (little rural town (?) ) about an hour & 1/2 away, & living with an indigenous, Quechua-speaking family (mine also spoke Spanish, but a lot of others didn't). Here are a few key moments-

* the first day, I went on a hike of DEATH. Conceptions of time & distance are really different in the campo, & so for them to get to the cows really was just "go up a little bit & down a little bit," but for me it was hiking from 9AM-6PM w/out water, sun-block, or the ability to breath. Result- MASSIVE blisters that broke & bled & prevented me from being able to walk for like 3 days, a sunburn all over my face that blistered, turned brown, & then pealed, and the worst headache of my life. My family came into my room after I decided to go to sleep @ 6:30PM, put eucalyptus leaves on my head & gave me tea. It was a very kind, sweet end to what was one of the worst days I've ever had.

* I am now a bad-ass potato-pealer, end of story. However, if I ever have to look @ another potato again, I may puke/die. The diet in the campo is essentially a number of variations of plain potato- potato w/ rice, potato in soup, potato w/ cheese, potato w/ pasta, etc. etc. That may not sound bad, but try to eat that every day, for every meal. However, according to my family, the reason why I'm weak is b/c I don't eat enough potatoes (which may be true, who knows!).

* My family was amazing. I felt so unequipped for..... life, around them. They have knowledge that is so different from our Western, school-based breed of knowledge- about real life things like how to climb a mountain 2 get to the cows, how to plow a field with oxen, how to milk a cow quickly, how to cook 4 a family of eight, how to harvest a field of potatoes. There is such an incredible amount of discrimination here against indigenous persons, yet these were some of the most brilliant, kind, and strong people I've ever met. Our whole modern world was designed to avoid the kind of lifestyle that my rural-stay family lives, yet what kinds of knowledge have we lost in the process? (a great deal, I think).

* Quechua is a language that always sounds a little bit angry to me :P. It's very beautiful & funny though, and my dad would get me to say words & then we'd all laugh because I couldn't make the "ch" sounds, or really any of the sounds :P. It was really funny :).

* Despite how little they had materially, there was so much pride in the family- for their strength, for their culture, for their..... being bolivian campesinos. And such great respect 4 Evo- my host dad said that he's a good leader because he knows what it's like to live in the campo, knows how to harvest papas and what it's like to walk long distances and really, truly work. These are Evo's people, and thus the beauty of his being president of this glorious country.

* The last day, we harvested potatoes for an entire day, and I loved every dirty, sweaty, digging moment of it.

Overall, this past week was one of my hardest ever, and most valuable. To get to experience, even if for just a week, how the majority of the world lives is an invaluable opportunity. It really reminded me that the ease with which we live is SUCH a luxury and, honestly, somewhat of an illusion. To be able to go to a grocery store where anything we'd ever wanted magically appears, to be able to travel by car, to have useable water via a tap inside your house, to have a bathroom (!).... these things and so much more are NOT "normal" in a more global sense. Which I've always known on a mental level, but having it hit you smack in the face on a personal level is a whole different ball game. 

Yet again, I am SO grateful for all that I'm experiencing here. Oh yes yes yes :). 

p.s.- there may or may not be a boy. Inquire for more details :P.