I'm so SO over it (the feeling heartbroken part, that is).
Especially as I am Bolivia. And especially as I have no idea how I feel or what I want, and the only way to really, sustainably, and healthfully do that is to take space right now, and just not worry about it anymore.
Looking back, it was pretty silly to think that just being here would make all of the hurt of that whole situation evaporate, but I really do believe that there is power in the present moment, and plus, our last email exchange has left me feeling 1. unbelievably aggravated 2. over feeling depressed/sad/longing for him alllll the time and 3. really tired of not being able to say how I really feel (as in, trying to be cold & straight forward & suggest space when what I really mean is "but... I still love you & if I wasn't still 85% convinced that our being together would be a total disaster I would do it, baaaaah, HELP!!" It's a bit funny, but sadly that is really how my mind works sometimes :P).
Anyhow, I am ready to take a break from all that shit. Seriously.
Subsequently, however, I'm also going to be a less frequent visitor to the internet, as I feel like it's preventing me from really taking the space I need right now, to figure my life out & what not.
I'll post some pictures right now though, it'll be great :).
I would also like to observe, however, that despite all of this left-over emotional stuff, I feel like I am learning SO much everyday- about Bolivia, about how I want to live, and about who I am & how to best love myself. Which, all things considered, makes this time pretty frickin cool :). Love <3!
I think it's funny how most of us think that changing locations will give us a change of heart. Trust me, I've been victim of that several times. It's good to see that you are working through it, and not just ignoring your feelings. I liked your pictures too! I'm sure it's 100x better in person. You know how I am about food, so I am curious as to what your diet is like in Bolivia. Anyway, keep writing, it's good!
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