life in el alto

Here is a brief summary of what I´ve been feeling this past week:

- overwhelm
- elation
- extreme fear and anxiety
- awe
- like I´m the most blessed person in the world
- lost
- joyful
-aware
- completely unaware
- like the most competent person ever annnd...
- completely incapable of doing anything haha.

So basically I´ve been super all over the place, but it really makes sense considering my life right now. I´m learning alot about being with myself, because I´ve been facing some pretty extreme feelings of loneliness (this happens to me alot, but it´s alot more extreme here where I´m living in a city that I don´t know, & that is also pretty dangerous (I´ve been robbed once already, and then had my purse slit yesterday. Bah.), am facing some of the most intense cultural differences I´ve ever experienced, and am just living a completely novel life.)

BUT, I´ve also been listening to this recording about buddhist meditation, and I feel like I really need to stop letting my fear stop\block me from living to my fullest. So I´m not going to let it!

I´m learning that sometimes fear and loneliness and anxiety are just part of the deal, just part of the journey of doing incredible, extremely different things and living different kinds of experiences. I´m also learning a lot about loving myself no matter what, and about realizing that the stability and comfort that I need are really already inside of me. And that´s a no matter what kind of thing :).

Growing is soooo painful sometimes, but definetly worth it. Def :).

I love you!

p.s.- last Saturday was potentially the most powerful day of my entire life, but I sort of don´t feel like it´s apropriate\sensitive to publish the info here. Needless to say- I was able to go to a community called Warisata for the community´s anniversary celebration, and it was... I can´t even describe it. Mindblowing at the very least. You should ask me about it tho, it´s a story worth the telling.