two weeks from today......

I will be in GAINESVILLE (whoohooo!).

It's crazy, this semester has

flown by. It definitely doesn't

feel like a whole semester, more like....... an extra-extended

trip. But, as always seems to be the case with time, when I

think back on all that I've

seen

felt

experienced

loved

struggled with

felt joy over

found

journeyed through and to.....

it does seem like a long time. A really long time, in fact (!). I love this country more and more every day, and look forward to the next time I'll be able to come back (hopefully next summer!), but I must say that I am simultaneously SO ready to go home. I'm ready to be with those that I love, in a culture that is mine [for better or for worse, when you leave you really realize that no matter how shitty certain elements of our culture are, it's ours. And it'll always be (very weird to realize this, especially 4 a serious critic like myself heh :p) ], and in places that are comforting. I've been listening to this meditation book on tape, and it talks a lot about releasing the need for comfort and for having ground under our feet, but I'm not quite there yet. I look forward to seeing everythingthat I love in the US with new, open eyes, and to realizing all of the subtle things I've learned here that I haven't even realized yet.

I'm also scared about some things, which I think is pretty normal: am I idealizing life at home? (I think that the answer is definitely yes to this one); will I have a harder time re-integrating than I think I will? (maybe? hard to anticipate); will Natan decide that he doesn't actually think it's a good idea 4 me to come up to NC? (impossible to anticipate that one, heh, but I think I'm doing a pretty reasonable job rolling with it, yay!); and then, this bigger, nagging worry, which I feel like just comes from uprooting my life alot recently: what if everything that I love about my life has changed while I was gone, or changes when I get home, and I'm left to rebuild all over again?

I think that last one is really just a reflection of how uprooted I feel at the moment. On a deeper level, I know that I have the strength, flexibility, and support to do whatever needs to happen, and that the changes in life are often what brings about the most valuable experiences and passings :).

I know all this, but I just get scared sometimes :p!

Anyhow, these days I'm just trying to work on/wrap up my independent project, which has honestly been relatively unsuccessful in a..... technical, "objective" sense, but which in a learning about yourself & living & Bolivia sense has been incredibly wonderful.

I just can't believe I'm leaving in two weeks. Love me, I'm scared! Hehe, but really- yay for me, and yay for Bolivia. There were definitely MANY moments last semester when I thought that there was no way I could come because I was in such a bad place personally. But, at the risk of sounding very conceited, I would like to just give myself I big "GO ME!!!" for being here, and living all this, and coming out (hopefully) a. ok :).

Love and miss you all SO much! hughughug :)